071. Searching for a home in Asian-America

The illusion of choice

Every now and then, I’ll come across a Reddit post about the skyrocketing cost-of-living in America. There will usually be a few comments along the lines of:

Y’know, for the cost of that tiny 1-bedroom in [coastal city], you could buy a 12-story mansion with an underground sauna and live-in butler over here in [Midwestern city]!

My brain will light up at the hope of an underrated, affordable place to settle down. But then I’ll remember, “Oh wait… I’m not white.”

Despite my gripes about the Bay Area suburbs, one thing I’ll always be grateful for is that I never felt shame about my race growing up. It never crossed my mind that my race could be a reason for ostracization. After all, my high school was 80% Asian-American. Getting bullied for my race would be like getting bullied for breathing air. No one was considered weird for listening to K-pop or watching anime.

¹

Boba was a go-to treat and there was no shortage of Asian supermarkets and restaurants with authentic regional cuisine.

I moved back to the Bay Area from New York City during the pandemic to be closer to my family, but I wasn’t planning on staying in the Bay long-term. I liked living in a bustling city with public transportation, and I didn't want my children to be stuck in a car-centric suburb like I was growing up.

As flights started to feel (relatively) safe again post-vaccine, I thought of traveling across the country to experiment with living in various cities. Yet as I considered my options, I realized one question limited many of their long-term viability: how big is the Asian population there?

If I want my kids to grow up in a similar environment to me, I don’t have much choice – my options have already been chosen for me. And boy, are those options expensive!

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If I want more choice, I’ll have to deprioritize providing my children with the same surroundings that I grew up with. How important is it to maintain that connection to heritage as the generations progress?

Kevin Zhai (70/100 on substack) @heykzhai

I'm getting to that age as a Chinese-American where I wish I was more fluent in Chinese so I could: 1. talk with my parents abt deeper stuff in their native language 2. have the option of more fully passing the language down to my kids

Some part of me feels like it doesn’t really matter. The future is unpredictable. Children adapt.

Alternatively, am I willing to pioneer? Asians are one of the fastest-growing demographics in America.

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Will I plant a flag and boldly go where no Asian has gone before and lead us to the promised land of an affordable, walkable, immigrant-friendly city?

Part of me still hopes that one day, I’ll come across a Reddit comment, and it will whisper the name of that perfect, hidden city I’ve been yearning for all along.

1. Okay, the kid who did the Naruto-run around school was still considered weird.

2. https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2021/04/29/key-facts-about-asian-americans/